Talk About What Matters Most

Description

Are you silently carrying a burden of sin, fear, grief, or struggle? You’re not alone. Many men are experts at keeping everything inside—even when silence leaves them vulnerable to loneliness, moral failure, and spiritual stagnation.

Biblical counselor Alasdair Groves shows how honest, gospel-centered conversation can break that silence. By sharing the real issues that weigh on their hearts, men create strong, supportive friendships that encourage spiritual growth and protect against moral pitfalls. Learn how to make more meaningful conversations, frame discussions around Scripture to strengthen faith—not just feelings—and build a routine of honest check-ins to keep you and your friends accountable and connected.

Endorsements

“Deep down, men long for friendships that are honest, earthy, and enduring. With a deep grasp of Scripture, the insight of a seasoned counselor, and the wisdom of a weathered companion, Alasdair shows how to build the band of brothers every man needs. If you want stronger friendships, this book is a compelling guide to help men talk about what matters most!”

—Dave Harvey, President, Great Commission Collective; Author, The Clay Pot Conspiracy

“From beginning to end, this book nourishes. . . . Groves’s wise, careful, and colorful expression will change the way you think and speak, unto the praise of God, for the good of others, and to the deep gratification of your own soul.”

—David B. Garner, President, Westminster Theological Seminary

“This is one of the most timely, practical, and needed books on friendship I have read in recent years. Though specifically written for men, it highlights ingredients essential for health in all friendships. . . . I cannot over-recommend my new friend’s fresh offering.”

—Scotty Smith, Founding Pastor and Pastor Emeritus, Christ Community Church, Franklin, Tennessee

“This book comes out of Alasdair’s long-term experience with men’s groups, and it has come at an ideal time: Men want to get together. Each chapter will give you things you can do immediately.”

—Edward T. Welch, Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation, Faculty Member; Author

“Christians need to have friends in both the joyful and difficult moments of life, but it can be difficult for men to make true friends. Alasdair Groves has written an immensely insightful and helpful book to encourage men to pursue meaningful relationships with others. I enthusiastically recommend this book to all who want to make or deepen friendships.”

—Tremper Longman III, Distinguished Scholar and Professor Emeritus of Biblical Studies, Westmont College

“What would happen if men took the information in this book seriously? They would have more satisfying, deeper relationships. They would hide less sin. They would transform toward Christlikeness. A result would be happier husbands and fathers who are not hiding the things that weigh on their consciences. It would be a great investment to study this book, preferably with a friend.”

—Ernie Baker, Chair of Master of Arts in Biblical Counseling, Professor of Biblical Counseling, The Master’s University; Author, Marry Wisely, Marry Well

“In an age of chronic loneliness and increasingly shallow relationships, Talk About What Matters Most is exactly the kind of resource Christian men need. Alasdair Groves combines biblical wisdom, practical insight, and genuine warmth to help men move beyond surface-level conversations and cultivate friendships marked by honesty, depth, and gospel-centered encouragement. I’ll be putting this book into the hands of the men in our church.”

—Fletcher Lang, Founder, Boston Center of Biblical Counseling; Pastor, City on a Hill Church, Somerville, Massachusetts

“Now more than ever we need Christ-centered conversations. Now more than ever we need to talk about the things that matter most, especially as men . . . not online, but in real life, in community, in the quiet hours of the night, on a fishing boat, on a road trip, wherever we find ourselves in the embodied world God gave us.”

—Andrew Hanauer, President, One America Movement

“I could encourage you to read Talk About What Matters Most for its remarkably practical and richly biblical wisdom. But my strongest recommendation comes from this: I have needed the counsel found in these pages myself. Alasdair Groves has helped me see—and pursue—the kind of honest, gospel-centered friendships that move beyond surface-level conversations to strengthen faith, foster perseverance, and point us to Christ. I’m deeply grateful for this book and confident it will be a gift to countless other men as well.”

—Andy Engert, Counselor, Restoring Hope New England

“This book is chock-full of Spirit-filled wisdom that will richly bless men and help them gain genuine bonds of fellowship and friendship. The chapters are short and accessible, and the ones on encouragement, lament, and confession alone are worth the price of the whole book.”

—SooSang Park, Lead Pastor, Revive Presbyterian Church (PCA), Silicon Valley

“Alasdair Groves provides a much-needed tonic for men’s long-term health and protection: holy friendships. And though establishing relationships where real talk occurs can be challenging, it’s absolutely vital. I speak from experience—if not for key relationships made throughout the years, I would not be who God wants me to be at home, at work, or at church. So, learn from the gospel-centered wisdom found in these pages as you grow in the freedom and joy you can have with and through your ‘band of brothers.’”

—Julius J. Kim, President’s Professor of Pastoral and Global Theology, Vice President of Global Initiatives, Westminster Theological Seminary

Table of Contents

Introduction

Part 1: We Don't Talk About What Matters Most
1. The Message We Hear
2. The Fight Within
3. Five Reasons We Stay Silent

Part 2: Why We Need to Talk About What Matters Most
4. Don't Leave Out the Best Part
5. Words Matter More Than You Think
6. Enter the Battle
7. Commit to Your Brothers
8. For the Glory of God

Part 3: What Matters Most
9. What Matters to You?
10. What Matters to God?
11. Put It on the Table

Part 4: How to Talk About What Matters Most
12. Listen Carefully
13. Celebrate the Good
14. Lament the Hard
15. Confess the Bad
16. Steward the Stories of Others

Part 5: Who to Talk to About What Matters Most
17. Start Where You Are
18. Go One Step Further
19. Formalize One Friendship
20. The Hallmarks of a Trustworthy Man

Conclusion

The Author